13 Things to do in the Department Store this Christmas

Thirteen things to do at the Department Store while your spouse is taking her sweet-arse time...............

1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in underwear," ... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
10. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
11. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again.'
13. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "We're out of toilet paper in here!"